This bell-bottomed crud features a series of nearly-tolerable dance numbers, frustratingly disrupted now and again by a pathetic and threadbare plot. I won’t waste your time or my brain cells by trying to conjure a synopsis. There’s some blather about a roller disco competition, I think. You won’t care; I certainly didn’t.
The script comes from Nick Castle (Michael Myers in the original Halloween). Castle, a talented filmmaker with far superior credits, needs Skatetown, U.S.A. promptly stricken from his record. The cast is a mixture of teen heartthrobs and the reanimated carcasses of former stars. No one can be bothered to act. They’re far too busy cashing their paychecks. TV Land viewers will recognize Scott Baio (Chachi from Happy Days) and Maureen McCormick (Marsha from The Brady Bunch). This also marked the film debut of Patrick Swayze, whose strong performance presages his brighter future.
Modern audiences may derive some masochistic pleasure from watching the roller disco dance scenes. Those numbers are stylishly choreographed before turning repetitive. The soundtrack overflows with many good tunes of the era. But if you don’t like Earth, Wind and Fire; McFadden and Whitehead; and Heatwave, be prepared to cover your ears… a lot.
At best, Skatetown, U.S.A. is a peculiar time capsule for those of us who missed the disco craze. At worst, it’s a queasy trip back to the 70s, likely to induce motion sickness and kill off any nostalgia for that bygone era. Do yourself a favor and rollerblade away from Skatetown U.S.A.
-T.Z.
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