With the old year in our rearview mirrors, I wanted to share a few thoughts on some of the less discussed movies that debuted in 2022.
Ambulance
A throwback to the action thrillers of the 90s and a good one — not a perfect one. There are plenty of flimsy, unmemorable performances (apart from Eiza Gonzalez’s), cliched characters with no more depth than stick figures, and a plot that unfolds with zero surprise or innovation. And yet, it works. It’s a high octane chase movie set in a stolen ambulance, not Oscar bait. Make fun of Michael Bay all you want, the man knows how to construct and choreograph propulsive action sequences; Ambulance contains many good ones — several close to perfect.
Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers
I absolutely adored the trailers but couldn’t stand the actual movie. I blame myself for my intense dislike of this one. I was particularly grouchy and sour when I watched it on Disney+. Everything about it felt smug and grating. Nothing made me laugh or smile. I despised every performance, detested every cameo, and loathed every supposed joke. I grew up a devoted fan of the cartoon series in the 90s and need to give it’s cinematic off-shoot a second chance. Particularly when I’m in a brighter mood.
Beast
Beast understands its simple assignment, offering up no frills, only thrills. Another throwback, this one to those post-Jaws movies of the 70s and 80s with a dash of Cujo. Instead of sharks or piranhas or rabid dogs, Elba dukes it out with a man-eating lion. Too bad the lion was CGI. Computer engineered big cats just don’t scare me as much as the real ones. That aside, if you’re a fan of old B-monster-movies, Beast offers up a modern and big budget take on that brand of “film”.
Three Thousand Years of Longing
The second Idris Elba movie of 2022. In this, Elba plays a djinn who gets released from his bottle by a British scholar (Tilda Swinton). The djinn tells the lonely woman three stories about his imprisonment.
A crummy marketing campaign slit this flick’s throat before it ever arrived in a theatre. That’s a great shame because it possesses some absolutely dazzling imagery, genuine imagination, and painfully authentic performances despite the fantastical premise. I’m a sucker for any movie framed as someone telling you a story, particularly an Arabian Nights-style tale. One of the most pleasurable aspects to Three Thousand Years of Longing is just listening to Elba’s narration.
Violent Night
Violent Night wants to be “Die Hard with Santa”, but never lives up to its allegedly subversive premise. The movie thinks it’s a lot funnier and naughtier than it actually is. Too bad they couldn’t cast Bruce Willis as St. Nick. David Harbour just didn’t do it for me as the axe-wheeling, vengeance seeking Santa Claus. One great scene: a little girl sets up Home Alone-style traps and the baddies suffer realistic injuries. The rest of the movie smelled like a lump of coal.
Quick thoughts on some bigger 2022 movies:
I loved The Batman (particularly the detective story angle), but I’m punch-drunk from all these super-serious Batman films. Can’t we get some Adam West-style Bat-levity? I came away from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever feeling more mixed than other movie-goers did. The film felt bloated, overlong, and needlessly convoluted. But Angela Bassett gives a powerful and commanding performance.
Black Adam bombed with critics and crowds. I know it’s profoundly flawed (and I do suffer from “The Rock fatigue”) but it fascinated me. I thought about the film for days after. I still don’t know why. Of the two movies involving multiverses this year, I preferred Everywhere Everything All at Once over Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, though both were fun and trippy.
One of my favorite movies from 2022 was Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio. First announced in 2008, I waited all these years for it and wasn’t disappointed. What a superb achievement. A film I don’t wince calling “art”. Not only does del Toro and his collaborators fashion the best, most unique take on Carlo Collodi’s original story since Disney in 1940, the animation and level of detail are mind-blowing. Don’t let the slightly long run time scare you off.
-T.Z.
